This is the end, my only friend, the end

Historically I have never been one to take kindly to new places which makes this trip even more of a big deal for me.  Anxiety would overcome me on every extended trip I took.  I puked on cruse ships despite fishing every year up in Wisconsin.  I puked on an airplane despite fishing numerous times before.  I puked in front of our hotel room door on one road trip despite being perfectly comfortable traveling in a car.  Essentially you name a reason to puke and I've done it.  Also its not like I now have pills because i have repeatedly refused to take any pill that may become necessary for an extended basis.  Two days from hoping on a plane to Rio with barely a plan, and not knowing anyone; that anxiety that overwhelmed me as a child is back.

Emotions are crazy, I cried when I said bye tonight to my two best friends (and Clark).  James asked earlier in the night if what I would be doing next Saturday, and my honest answer was (believe it or not) I haven't thought about it:  I'm too worried about figuring out what i need before i get there (will i be sufficiently wikt at Angkor Wat?) to worry about what happens when i get there.  I have proven on multiple occasions the trip is half the battle (really who pukes in-front of a hotel room), but at the same time until I get there everything can go wrong.  Also who says when I get there people will befriend me.  In Australia it worked alright, but now I have no one required to travel with me.  Monday at 4 I leave, thats an eternity.

Procrastination:

I just threw a going away party and wish I could say everyone I wanted to show up, showed up.  Clearly the answer is they didn't, however.  What worries me more about the fact that they didn't show up is that I never gave them a chance.  Invites for the party didn't go out until Thursday: I keep telling myself I was too busy, but clearly this is yet another instance in me procrastinating until the last moment to do something.  I keep hoping this trip will change things about me and this is one of the ways.  As of now I have one person requesting extra time, then again what about everyone else...

....Maybe I am leaving because of all the people that didn't show up, that didn't try to show up, and seemingly don't care I am leaving.  Maybe I didn't procrastinate, they just have no interest....