Anxiety

Kinda sorta first post before the trip, I wrote out a previous one by hand but didnt post it yet... You can adjust these things later right?  I hope so!  Anyway I begin moving my belongings out of Chicago and back into my moms house tomorrow (Isn't she wonderful for letting me do this).  I never thought I would be saying I'm moving everything back to my moms house.  Its an odd feeling to be this dependent on her again.  The packing process is of course bittersweet.

It was really hard packing up all my nice shirts, ties, sweaters, et cetera knowing that I am most likely giving up the accounting lifestyle for good and very well may never be in a situation again where a tie is required every day.  For someone who's goal it was to have that life throughout high school and college, this is definitely a weird stage.  I did that, I hated it, and now I will be transitioning my career from accounting into either sustainable enterprise or public service where doing good unto others becomes much more my goal than personal monetary success.  I am basically giving up on the American Dream.  I can't help but second guessing if this is really what I want, after all cancelling my trip and going back to work is much easier than throwing myself into unknown environment.

Yes, as the trip gets closer and closer (is it really only 5 days now?) I second guess whether or not I have the skills/mindset to pull off a trip like this more and more.  I have never been the most outgoing person and do not know if I will be able to meet people to enjoy my time with.  While I keep being told I will do fine, it always seems to be coming from people who have a self-confidence that eclipses mine.  Quite honestly from the day I decided I might do this (5 Feb 2010) I have never thought I can pull it off.  It is only from talking to those around me that I decided to do this, I have the sincerest thanks to all who encourage me.  Cuz I feel like name dropping Clark and Kim K were instrumental, especially their blog, Gui got me into Brazil so I definitely owe him one, but I also feel obligated in mentioning a certain Kyle R and Jason P because of their previous experience travelling abroad.  Oh and my mom for not immediately calling me an idiot like my brother did.  I will definitely be missing everyone, I will miss going to baseball games, seeing crayolala shows, just hanging out at parties, or going weird places in the city for dinner, definitely tough leaving everyone behind.

Self-Confidence

It seems there is a scale with those people who have the most self-confidence thinking my trip is a great idea and those people with the least self-confidence thinking its an idiotic idea.

Its a me

just a test