The Gash

Visited the panama canal today.  Truly is one of modern engineering's great successes.  The fact that that the locks are nearly 100 years old and still going strong are testament enough.  Whichever Frenchman decided it was feasible to just go and cut a river between the North and South America  was clearly crazy.  Its something I would try to do, but that's why I don't have the power to attempt things like this.  Anyway I got to see one big boat then a few small boats cruise their way through the Miraflores Locks and I probably shouldn't have enjoyed myself as much as I did, as there really wasn't too much there.  I also happen to be way to excited for my 10 hour bus ride tonight as I am leaving for Bocas Del Toro at 9.  Nothing like a good 10 hour overnight bus ride to make you feel alive.  

Oh, and in news back home what happened in the Illinois vs. UIC game?  Such a disappointment.  I've decided to start drinking more Orange Crush to improve Illinois karma.

Ciao

A Room With A View

A Room With A View

Having settled into the hostel (Luna's Castle) I snapped a quick pick of the view out my window, not too shabby if you ask me. First night was fun. I probably shouldn't have stayed up till three, but I couldn't sleep anyway so it wouldn't have mattered.

I took a quick jaunt around Casco Viejo today, it was ahh... interesting. Everyone keeps talking about how gentrified it has become so I was expecting the area to be a lot like Cartegena in Columbia. How wrong I was. While there are a good number of nice buildings, fancy cafes, and of course street vendors selling thier wares. There was also a disturbing number of crubling buildings and the police manning most of the corners almost made me feel more unsafe than safe. I walked through most of the old town then sat down in a nice little cafe just outside of the touristy area to enjoy some tasty fried chicken, rice, and beans. Little did I know that this would be the end of my stroll as a sudden downpour complete with seemingly softball size drops of rain rolled in. The rain was so bad i couldn't even make it outside long enough to hail a cab. So I did what everyone else was doing, ordered a cup of coffee and attempted to wait out the rain. Luckily about a half hour later the rain let up enough that I could jog back to the safety of the hostel, and it is here that I sit writing this. So much for December being dry season. Even worse, I am being told that the rain has been so bad it closed the canal a few weeks back for only the third time in history. More relevant to me though the rain has washed out some roads and some busses arent running. Hopefully its all lies, but if not things could get interesting pretty quick.

Ahoy Panama

After a good 20 hours on the road travelling, I have finally arrived in Panama.  I the voyage was rather bland, as expected.  The most exciting part of it was when i got into an argument with a guy going through security about whether or  not my suntan lotion was under 3.4 oz.  I bought the stuff down in Peru and it only had metric units listed so the people had no idea how big it was.  Eventually they did decide 90 grams was small enough and let me through.  I was able to catch a glimpse of Manhattan on my flight into Newark which was almost exciting.  The night spent in the airport wasn't nearly as bad as expected.  There was a 24 hour food court so I was able to grab some food, then I found a nice little corner and had me an uncomfortable sleep on the ground.  I got up just in time for the flight and hopped on the plane.  The flight itself was bland, just lots of blue water.  When we finally did reach Panama it took us all of about 5 minutes to fly across the entire country, if that.  I had the Panama canal on my side during those few minutes which made me far happier than it should have.  It truly is amazing they way the thing was just carved right through the middle of the country.  What I found most striking about it however was its disgusting mostly brown but with some green color too it, especially after the pristine blue waters of the Caribbean.  This is most likely due to the expansion work they have begun, if not... well who knows.  To go along with the expansion, judging by the number of ships waiting to use the canal, it appears to be much needed.  Anyway I've got to get out to the store to get the necessities i didn't bring with which includes the planned soap, shampoo, deodorant, toothpaste, and razor as well as the unplanned towel which I somehow forgot to pack... oops. After the store I'll drink some coffee to hopefully wake up so i can make some friends, the trip wore me out.

A few last housekeeping items to the right --> you should be able to see my current location, which is somewhat accurate, but not perfect.  So if it shows me in the middle of the ocean dont worry I'm probably not drowning.  It also has a slide show with some pictures, clicking on it should link you to my picassa account which will have all, yes all, the pictures I take while travelling.  It appears to be stuck on an album of death road, I'm working on that.  Also, theres nothing there for this trip yet, but feel free to check out my previous adventures.  If you perfer a hyper link its picassaweb.google.com/kmelens... i think...

Hello Again

With my trip about to begin I have decided to relaunch my blog.  The blog lasted all of ten days the last time i did this, so this time I am hoping to at least get 15 days into my trip before abandoning everything.  Wish me luck.

As I prep for this trip much of the anxiety I felt before my first trip is eerily absent.  I feel much more comfortable knowing what to expect.  I have to leave for the airport about 24 hours from right now and I haven't even begun packing.  Anyway I should get on that packing thing, next update comes from Panama.

Is Ilha Grande Paradise?

The question arose as to whether or not Ilha Grande, a lushly vegetated tropical Island a few hours outside of Rio, is truly paradise.  Well, I am not going to say if it truly is paradise.  What I can say is it's got to come pretty damn close.  The island while large, does not allow cars, making it eerily quiet yet peaceful.  The people are patient and helpful.  The buildings have a quaint beauty to them.  Thats all fine and dandy, but what makes it truly amazing is the trek to Lopes Mendes beach, and the beauty that awaits.

The trek, two and a half hours of hiking through hot and humid tropical rain forest with up to 300 meters in elevation gain is blissful.  You barely even notice the physical exertion as you walk through a beautiful forest.  The views from the top of the first climb are strikingly beautiful.  You can see Vila do Abrao (the town on the island) off to the left, the straight between the island and the coast in front of you, and to the right is the mainland.  As you continue down the rocky other side you encounter a small stream and tiny, yet fitting waterfall.  Nearby you find many colorful birds with colors so vibrant they seemed like they should be on a TV advertisement.  Memory of birds still fresh in your head you encounter the first of three beaches.

Along the beach are scattered residences and you cant help but think how one could be so lucky.  The beach was but a tease however as next thing you know you are right back to climbing over another substantial hill.  While this hill does not provide the striking views, the walk does remind you of how beautiful the tropical forest can be, with its rocks, trees, vines, bamboo, and flowers that are blooming despite it being the middle of fall.  Before you know it you are down the other side, crossing a bridge and on the second beach.  This one even more beautiful than the first.

You start to think it cannot get any better than this and contemplate stopping for a dip in the ocean.  However you remember everyone that did the hike told you Lopes Mendes is the place to be, and as beautiful as this beach is you must continue on.  You finish walking across the beach and begin the climb over the hill to Lopes Mendes.  Suddenly you notice the enormous Yellow and Green bamboo rising out of the soil to your left hand side as if reminding you one last time you are in Brazil the land of the beautiful. This last hill ends up being the shortest in both height and distance of the three, but by now you have been hiking for a few hours and cannot help but thinking "are we there yet?"

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, the muddy trail turns into the finest white sand you have ever felt.  You look ahead knowing you cant be far, and that maybe just maybe this beach really is what everyone says it is.  But all you can see are palm and fig trees.  Your stride quickens, you turn one corner, then another.  Finally your throat drops: on both sides of you stretching seemingly forever is the most beautiful, pristine beach you have ever seen.  The waves are breaking perfectly for the surfers while also showing their fury against the rocks marking the end of the beach to the right.  To the left the beach just dissolves perfectly back into trees lining the coast as if it never even existed.  Behind you all you see are the perfect figs and palms, there are no buildings anywhere.  Oh and the people, all of them so beautiful that you begin to doubt that you stumbled upon not a beach, but a carefully designed set for a magazine photo shoot.

Sweaty and exhausted you throw you doubts aside with your hiking boots and shirt.  For in front of you is the Atlantic Ocean, and because everything else is, you know the water temperature is going to be perfect.  Refreshed from your dip you proceed to lay out your towel to tan under the cloudless sky.  You spend what seems like an hour letting the sun radiate you into a state of euphoric relaxation.  Then out of nowhere come some high pitched shreaks disrupting your relaxation, for a second you think aha, finally something thats not perfect, this really is reality.  You raise your head to figure out what the noise could be.  Almost disappointingly you realize your judgement on the shreaks came a bit too soon as they were coming from a family of small, picture perfect, monkeys with bushy tails and faces so cute they nearly bring a tear to your eye.  Once the monkeys disappear back into the trees you go back to relaxing, and after what seems like an excruciatingly short amount of time it is unavoidably 4 o'clock and you must head back to the boat.

"NOOOOO!!!" You think.  "It just can't be the end of the day.  It just does not get any better than this."  Reluctantly, however you do get on the boat for the depressing end to your unforgettable day.  Then as if mocking you for thinking anything could not be any better come two dolphins to follow the boat back into port.

Paradise?  Why don't you decide?  As for me I have learned my lesson and will forever believe there is something better out there, and I strive to find it.  If not though this place wasn't bad.

Don't be stupid

Normally when travelling they say most places are safe as long as you aren't asking for trouble.  Things like wearing jewelery and large amounts of cash.  Things I abide by.  Even so I seem to have found other ways to loose things.  Going to the beach by myself I left nearly everything at the hostel, I didn't bring any money, didn't even bring my glasses.  The only things I had were my flip flops, swim trunks, t-shirt, and room key; nothing for anyone to steal.  Even so I managed to return to the hostel without my room key.  You see, despite taking precautions to prevent theft, I forgot to take my room key out of my pocket when I went in the water and the ocean decided to take it from me... Doh.

It gets even worse though.  Ipanema Beach House allows you to run up a tab for the room and the tours you do while you stay there and allows you to pay in cash when you check out.  The night before I was to leave the beach house (tuesday) I went through my pants I wore when I moved from Stone to the Beach House and the card wasn't there.  I went through the rest of my pants, then my shits, and finally emptied my entire pack looking for my debit card.  The thing was just simply not in there.  Freaking out about the missing card, but unable to do anything about it that late at night I decided to get up early the next morning to straighten things out.

After waking up at 8 on Wednesday I cancelled my transfer to Ilha Grade and booked another night in the hostel.  I waited till everyone was up in the room and checked online to see if my card had been used.  It hadn't.  Since the cards hadn't been used I figured they were not stolen and I must have them.  Once again I tore apart my pack searching for the card.  Once again I did not have them.  I started think about where it  could be.  I thought maybe I left it at the other hostel, but then decided there is no way I could be that stupid, could I.  Thinking the card was gone I tried getting cash with my credit card.  However after speaking with Target I was unable to get the cash.  So I was stuck, no card, no cash, no way to pay my bill.  With no other options I decided to call Stone of a Beach just to make sure it wasn't there.  When I talked to the receptionist she said she didn't think a card was there, but she would check and told me to call back in ten minutes.  Sure enough, despite all my doubts about me being that stupid, my card had been left under my pillow.  Doh.  I couln't believe it, I don't think I have ever felt so relieved in my life.

I wish I could say that is the extent of the stupid things I have done, but its not.  At least the remainder of the stupid things I have done only involve minor bodily harm and not financial issues.  You see when I did a tour of Rochina favela I bought a beer.  It was a tasty beer, but I was spending too much time drinking it, and not enough time watching the narrow corridor I was walking down.  Yep, I walked full speed right into an overhanging concrete building.  I hit my head so hard the beer flew out out my hand, and I nearly got knocked off my feet.  Doh.  Yes it does get worse still.

While trekking to Lopes Mendes beach from the hostel I was descending a hill I had just climbed.  In the middle of the path was a boulder which I couldn't resist going over.  After getting on top of the boulder I jumped off the downhill side.  My momentum began taking me down the trail.  I jogged around a corner to the right and here the trail became even steeper.  The jog down hill became a sprint.  Suddenly the trail curved back to the left.  I was flying downhill unable to stop or make the turn.  I went flying over the edge of the trail. Dropped down a few feet.  Took two more strides and then saw a giant tree right infront of me.  With no other option I dove around the tree.  My feet went flying over my head, and next thing I knew I was in the middle of a flip.  After what felt like ages I landed on my back and slid to a stop.  Doh.

Relieved to be at rest I then did the standard check after a disaster like that.  I checked to make sure everything could still move and made sure everything felt like it was in the right place.  Luckily everything was fine, only a slight scrape on my leg and bruise on my shoulder.  I began to get up and make my way back to the trail when I realized shit, I can't see.  My glasses had flown off somewhere mid flip and were no where to be seen.  Eventually the two guys I was doing the walk with showed up I gave them my account of what had happened.  They helped me look for my glasses for a while.  I was telling them we should just move on, the glasses were brown making them blend in to the leaves, and who knows how far they could have flown.  Not willing to just move on with out the glasses though they insisted we keep looking.  About five minutes later I hear my friend announce he found them down the hill a bit.  I couldn't believe it, but miraculously when he got back up to where I was standing he had glasses in hand.  Disaster averted, we moved on and made it to Lopes Mendes the most beautiful beach I have ever seen.

Ipanema/Leblon with some Paulistanos

On Day ? of my trip, a monday I think...I've already lost track.  Everyday is a saturday right?  Anyway when I moved into the Ipanema Beach House the dorm I was assigned to was occupied by three Paulistanos (people from Sao Paulo) that spoke solely in Portuguese.  As I went about my business in the room they kept talking and laughing and talking and laughing.  I couldn't help but think the laughter was directed at me and due to the language barrier they were able to get away with it.

However, when we awoke on Monday one of the guys told me "Coffee go" at which I had no idea what he was talking about and simply said "ok."  He started to leave, but then noticed I had not moved.  He came back in and said something along the lines of "No, with me coffee go" in an accent that made the words impossible to understand.  I gave him a blank stare.  He tried a few more combinations of the same words before eventually I figured out he was going down to breakfast and surprisingly wanted me to join him.

We met the two other Paulistanos at breakfast.  We exchanged words doing our best to teach each other enough of our language so that we could actually converse. When breakfast was over they told me I was going to the beach with them.  To which because of the language issues I hesitantly agreed.  They spoke Portuguese, French, and a few words in English.  I speak English, some Spanish, and even fewer words in Portuguese.  Despite the language barrier we somehow got along.  It was a great day discussing pop culture in our two countries.  Having the opportunity to spend a day with native Brazilians was certainly an experience, one I used to improve my Portuguese and knowledge of the Brazilian lifestyle.

Disappointingly the Paulistanos had to leave in the afternoon so I went back to the hostel, for a bit, before venturing out in the neighborhood around the hostel.  I bumped into this Swedish metal head I had met the night before few times and ended up meeting him back at the hostel for a drink.  Much conversation about our lives ensued and I had a great time learning about the culture he comes from.  By the end of the night my confidence in this trip being as good I was hoping it would be is as high as its been.  I am able to meet people from different places and get to know them, I am learning a bunch about other people, as well as my self.  I am learning how to better open up to people, show emotion, and initiate conversation.

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

Today I moved hostels from Stone of a Beach in Copacabana to Ipanema Beach House.  Originally I had planned to take a taxi for safety, but decided last minute that it was sunday morning and I could safely carry my pack on the subway to the Beach House (no its not on the beach).  So I made the move on foot: I walked to the station, waited in line, bought my ticket, walked through the maze of tunnels to the platform to Ipanema, waited for the train alone, got on the train, got off the train, navigated through the tunnels to the street, and walked the 6 or 8 blocks it was to the hostel.  While I was a bit scared at first to be venturing out pack and all in the notoriously crime ridden Rio, once on the street I felt safe.  The reputation of Rio is quickly changing, it is clear the massive amount of money Rio is spending to reduce crime in the city is truly paying dividends.  The propaganda forced into my head before leaving about the danger may not be completely without merit, but at the same time is vastly exaggerated.

In the afternoon I went to a football match between Flamengo and Sao Paulo.  Despite being a fairly large rivalry only 10,000 people showed up which in a stadium that holds 140,000 people seated, and up to 200,00 total the stadium looked like I was at a Marlins game.  There were a few reasons for this that I didn't know before going (but should have) first because of the world cup the stars weren't playing, second it was raining, third at R$40 for upper deck the tickets aren't exactly cheap, and finally (and most depressingly) they don't sell alcohol in the stadium.  Of course the first thing I did when i got to the stadium was order a Cerveja S. A. not realizing S. A. stood for Sem Alcool (without alcohol).  I choked down the "beer" anyway as it was the same price as coke.  The game despite its flaws was great, the crowd was as rowdy and loud as expected, and the soccer was great.  The game ended in a 1-1 tie though so it was disappointing not having a winner.  Most disappointing was I forgot my camera because I was doing my duties as a son and talking to mom on mothers day up until the moment I had to leave.  Oh well, the stadium (although completely renovated) will be all over TV in 2014 for the world cup and 2016 for the Olympics.

At night because I couldn't find anything else going on I walked around Ipanema for a while before stopping at a sucio for a burger.  Here an English speaking Carioca (person from Rio) struck up a conversation with me.  It was really a surreal time standing on dimly lit street corner at a juice bar talking to this dude discussing our vastly different lives.  This is exactly the type of experience I was looking for when coming here, one on one with a local sharing stories where you realize that despite how different your lives have been, you still have so much in common.  (Well that and the two things that every non american says to you when you meet them is Chicago Bulls, followed by Michael Jordan)

Day with the Irish

I had a few options on Saturday, I could have gone to Ipanema with some Danes, a Brit, and an American (one of only two I have met thus far).  Instead of Ipanema I chose to save the R$5.80 (about $3.50 american) and went to Copacabana with a group of six Irish people.  It was rather entertaining, the Irish lived up to their reputation drinking for much of the afternoon, offering me crisps (crisps are potato chips, at dinner they then offered me chips which were fries, all very confusing), and just speaking in their barely intelligible accent (not to be confused with the unintelligible Scots).  Thanks to the group of people I finally had some people to watch my stuff long enough to go for an extended dip in the water.  The water was very refreshing as the temperature outside was 30 C, and very humid, but the waves were quite strong making the beaches rather unpleasant to wade in.  I did spend most of my day laying in the sun, and as much as I don't want to admit, I did start to feel like just laying in the sun was a perfectly acceptable lifestyle.  Once back at the hostel I came to my senses and realized the health risks, lack of achievement, and my skinny body don't add up to a lifestyle I desire.

Back at the hostel, I watched some soccer with some brazilians in the amazing TV room at Stone of A Beach.   Around 10 pm I got hungry so I ventured out on my own to a local sucio (juce bar) for a delicious baconeggcheeseburger and Acai semibeverage/juice/shake type thing.   For the evening, I once again spent my night at the hostel bar.  However since beer is R$5 for 600ml, or twice what it is at the bar on the street next door I once again did not drink many, and still have not gotten drunk.  Its an odd feeling not having gone out on both a friday and saturday night, but except for not experiencing Lapa, I feel just fine with it.  Why spend money and time getting drunk with people you wont see ever again after a week, when you could be spending the time and money creating experiences/memories that will last forever.  

All in all it was pretty good day.  It was nice spending my day with people for a refreshing break in the loneliness that can accompany days spent out on my own.  Even if not many words were exchanged while laying on the beach.  Finally to answer James' question last saturday "what will I be doing a week from now?" The answer would have been lounging on copacabana beach with some Irish trying not to get burned.

Day 4

Spent much of today swimming, and lounging around at Copacabana beach. Decent day but the beaches are getting kinda old, I'm about ready to move on to Sao Paulo. There is more to do here that I won't be getting to, but the type of people who would want to go to museums and street markets just aren't around to do that with. Also despite the city becoming more safe by the day I am still hesitant to venture out alone to any non gringo areas.

At night I spent my time drinking up at the bar wanting to head out to Lapa with some people. however when the time came to head to Lapa I got screwed on the cab situation and didn't make it. Disappointing for sure. All in all I am starting to regret coming to Rio first, the city is great, but I am just not experienced enough to truly enjoy it, and also laying on the beach seems like a waste of time when there is so much more out there to see.

The Third Day

I did a tour of the city today and was able to bring the camera with. The day started off at Sugarloaf Mountain, where despite the sky appearing cloudless from the sky we discovered one of the downsides of Rio. I'm not positive it was pollution, but there was a haze over the entire city in the morning that was obscuring my view of the centro area of the city. What I was able to see however was how sprawling, the city is. Archetecture wise there is much to be desired. The city is dominated by highrise concrete blocks that are quite simply ugly. Yeah the city has great hills, and I believe the largest urban forest, but at the same time would it kill them to use a little glass in construction. I guess this is where you realize this is still a developing country, abeit thanks to the exchange rate with prices essentially the same with those in Chicago (I might as well be in Europe right now it would probably be cheaper the way the Euro is right now).

To get back to the story of my day... We had an hour and a half up on the Sugarloaf. This lasted from 10:45 to 12:15 and by the time we were headed back down the city central was just coming into view. I guess my tip for this would be to do it in the afternoon instead. From the Sugarloaf Mountain we headed to a Brazilian Barbeque for lunch. Delicious it was; nothing like neverending portions of mystery meat. Stuffed from the feast we then headed to Christ.

Christ, was expectedly disappointing.  Not being able to speak Portuguese I can only speculate as to what is going on.  My guess is he needed a shower and is getting ready for his big dance when the world cup comes to town.  So his little minions are getting out the cotton swabs, nail clippers, and comb to make him look all pretty for the party.  Anyway this is all I got to see:

After Christ we headed to Maracana stadium, I'm going to the game on sunday so I will talk about then.  Next was the sambadrome where the carnival parade is held.  It's just concrete stands and not very intersting. After that it was on to the cathedral (can't remember it's name so I will refer to it as "the cathedral").  It was big, it was beautiful, it was moving to be inside.

Finally we headed to Lapa, and the Lapa stairs.  Supposedly it is legal to smoke grass on the stairs between the hours of 8 and midnight (hence Snopp Dogg and Pharrell sitting on them in this video).  Although it depends on who you ask as to whether or not this is really the case.  Anyway our tour ended here with a beer at the bottom of the stairs.

Day 2

Well day one after starting out great, ended up being pretty slow.  I started doubting my ability to meet people.  I  sat around the hostel most of the day hoping someone who spoke english would talk to me, and it wasn't happening.  At least until 8 o'clock rolled around and I was asked if I wanted to grab some food by a chick named Mikel from Antigua (i hope), and a dude named Nick from Australia.  Conversation ensued so who knows maybe I will be able to meet people.

Day 2 the momentum of day 1 was not to follow into day 2 however.  I was unable to find anyone to head out with for the day so I was stuck walking the beautiful expanses of Ipanema and Leblon beaches by myself.  (No pictures because beaches are notorious for theft if you leave things unattended while going in the water).  These beaches are more luxurious than the more working class Copacabana neighborhood (with the exception of the copacabana palace hotel).  Posto 9 did not disappoint as the gathering place for the young and the beautiful in Rio.  The swimsuits were also as advertised with the dudes wearing speedos and the gals wearing even less.  After spending some time trying not to get burned to a crisp by the sun I walked around the neighborhoods.  Here I was reaffirmed that I would never be too far from American culture.  As on nearly every block their was an American franchise be it McDonalds, KFC, or even Outback steakhouses.  The stores in the malls all play the same music you would hear in the states (although hipsters and stores catering to them don't seem to exist).  Overall it was a weird experience seeing all the sights and not having anyone to share it with.  Something I will soon get over I'm sure, but for now it is rather lonely.

Surise Over Brazil

A fitting begining to an epic journey. Here we have the sun rising over Brazil as my plane approaches Rio.

Thou hast arrived

I have arrived in Rio.  Ended up staying at Stone of a Beach hostel afterall.  First thing I did was check in, lock up my bag and head to Copacabana beach.  The last day went much easier than expected, I almost shed a tear when my Mom dropped me off at the airport, but that was because I was worried about her more than I.  Once I had that tear held back I was home free emotionally.  All the nervousness and being scared was replaced with a sense of destiny.  It feels like this is my destiny to be on this trip, and I am perfectly comfortable with it. 

As far as culture goes, driving by the favellas was sadenning.  Learning to say obrigado rather than thank you or de nada has also been difficult.  Right now however the hardest thing is getting used to the Portugese keyboard layout.

Bom Dia,

Kevin

This is the end, my only friend, the end

Historically I have never been one to take kindly to new places which makes this trip even more of a big deal for me.  Anxiety would overcome me on every extended trip I took.  I puked on cruse ships despite fishing every year up in Wisconsin.  I puked on an airplane despite fishing numerous times before.  I puked in front of our hotel room door on one road trip despite being perfectly comfortable traveling in a car.  Essentially you name a reason to puke and I've done it.  Also its not like I now have pills because i have repeatedly refused to take any pill that may become necessary for an extended basis.  Two days from hoping on a plane to Rio with barely a plan, and not knowing anyone; that anxiety that overwhelmed me as a child is back.

Emotions are crazy, I cried when I said bye tonight to my two best friends (and Clark).  James asked earlier in the night if what I would be doing next Saturday, and my honest answer was (believe it or not) I haven't thought about it:  I'm too worried about figuring out what i need before i get there (will i be sufficiently wikt at Angkor Wat?) to worry about what happens when i get there.  I have proven on multiple occasions the trip is half the battle (really who pukes in-front of a hotel room), but at the same time until I get there everything can go wrong.  Also who says when I get there people will befriend me.  In Australia it worked alright, but now I have no one required to travel with me.  Monday at 4 I leave, thats an eternity.

Procrastination:

I just threw a going away party and wish I could say everyone I wanted to show up, showed up.  Clearly the answer is they didn't, however.  What worries me more about the fact that they didn't show up is that I never gave them a chance.  Invites for the party didn't go out until Thursday: I keep telling myself I was too busy, but clearly this is yet another instance in me procrastinating until the last moment to do something.  I keep hoping this trip will change things about me and this is one of the ways.  As of now I have one person requesting extra time, then again what about everyone else...

....Maybe I am leaving because of all the people that didn't show up, that didn't try to show up, and seemingly don't care I am leaving.  Maybe I didn't procrastinate, they just have no interest....

Anxiety

Kinda sorta first post before the trip, I wrote out a previous one by hand but didnt post it yet... You can adjust these things later right?  I hope so!  Anyway I begin moving my belongings out of Chicago and back into my moms house tomorrow (Isn't she wonderful for letting me do this).  I never thought I would be saying I'm moving everything back to my moms house.  Its an odd feeling to be this dependent on her again.  The packing process is of course bittersweet.

It was really hard packing up all my nice shirts, ties, sweaters, et cetera knowing that I am most likely giving up the accounting lifestyle for good and very well may never be in a situation again where a tie is required every day.  For someone who's goal it was to have that life throughout high school and college, this is definitely a weird stage.  I did that, I hated it, and now I will be transitioning my career from accounting into either sustainable enterprise or public service where doing good unto others becomes much more my goal than personal monetary success.  I am basically giving up on the American Dream.  I can't help but second guessing if this is really what I want, after all cancelling my trip and going back to work is much easier than throwing myself into unknown environment.

Yes, as the trip gets closer and closer (is it really only 5 days now?) I second guess whether or not I have the skills/mindset to pull off a trip like this more and more.  I have never been the most outgoing person and do not know if I will be able to meet people to enjoy my time with.  While I keep being told I will do fine, it always seems to be coming from people who have a self-confidence that eclipses mine.  Quite honestly from the day I decided I might do this (5 Feb 2010) I have never thought I can pull it off.  It is only from talking to those around me that I decided to do this, I have the sincerest thanks to all who encourage me.  Cuz I feel like name dropping Clark and Kim K were instrumental, especially their blog, Gui got me into Brazil so I definitely owe him one, but I also feel obligated in mentioning a certain Kyle R and Jason P because of their previous experience travelling abroad.  Oh and my mom for not immediately calling me an idiot like my brother did.  I will definitely be missing everyone, I will miss going to baseball games, seeing crayolala shows, just hanging out at parties, or going weird places in the city for dinner, definitely tough leaving everyone behind.

Self-Confidence

It seems there is a scale with those people who have the most self-confidence thinking my trip is a great idea and those people with the least self-confidence thinking its an idiotic idea.

Its a me

just a test